


Missing Her

by Greenerin



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 05:52:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10735470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenerin/pseuds/Greenerin
Summary: Kara Danvers wakes up in her apartment where she supposedly lives with Mon-El. But what if her memories are not real?..[This fanfiction covers the storyline of the TV up to the episode 2.17 (inclusive). By this story I tried to fix and explain every single thing that I hated in season 2. SuperCat FTW!!]





	1. Chapter 1

..Kara wakes up with a sharp intake of air.

For several agonizing moments she cannot understand where she is until she recognizes the safety of her own bedroom. Somehow, this time it doesn't feel secure at all. She's covered in sweat, and it's alarming since normally she doesn't get sweaty; her head is buzzing, thoughts in disarray. Something seems out of order. She still has her powers though, so it's not similar to the usual blowing them out.

Using the x-ray glance tells Kara she's alone at her place, and everything looks the same as always. That means the problem is probably inside her head.

She stills herself trying to put her thoughts in order. What makes her feel like that? And why does something seem amiss?

She doesn't remember any emergencies that could put her in such state. The girl tries to recall the events that happened last but it's strangely hard to focus on her memories. It feels like.. there are too many of them. Her mind is foggy. Thoughts, voices, actions are mixed in her head, and it's unexpectedly difficult to sort them out. She tries harder and cries out from the sudden flash of sharp pain in her temples.

Oh, Rao. Something is wrong. So, so wrong.

The pain subsides gradually. Kara grabs her cell phone. The device says it's Sunday, 2:27PM.

"Wait, it can't be true.." A memory emerges in her head conveniently: yesterday she watched Tuesday night news with her boyfriend before going to sleep! Why Sunday?

Wait. Her boyfriend.

She freezes and her eyes widen.

She's been dating Mon-El, Prince of Daxam. For quite a while, actually.

For some reason this thought leaves Kara distressed.

The girl sits up in bed and attempts to get rid of her anxiety and comprehend the situation somehow. The inner voice tells her there has to be a pretty serious matter to make her that disconcerted.

Suddenly she notices a sheet of paper at the nightstand along with a large glass of water. She takes the paper and reads hurriedly.

_"Hi, sleepyhead. I left some generous amount of food in the fridge, you'll surely need it considering how long you've been passed out. I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you, but I'm currently on duty. Call me when you're up, we need to talk._

_A."_

Seeing the familiar handwriting calms Kara down a bit. She drinks the water gratefully, sighs and finds Alex's number in her cell praying that her sister could clarify the situation.

Finally she hears collected voice:

"So you're up at last. Hey there."

"Hi. I am, but.. Alex, something seems to be wrong with me!"

"What do you mean?" her sister's voice gets concerned. "Are you in pain? Does anything hurt? They said it wouldn't have any physical consequences, but.."

 _They? It?_ Kara frowns. "No, I don't think so. It's just.. my mind.. It's kind of blurry. And there's something odd with my memories. I recall some of the things that happened recently but I feel there's apparently much more than I remember!"

"Oh," Alex sounds relieved. "Don't worry. As far as I understood, that's a normal effect of what you drank on Friday."

"Drank.. on Friday..?" she repeats dumbly.

Her sister sighs. "Kara.. Do you remember what happened before you fell asleep?"

"Hmm.. Well, last thing that I remember is getting my boyfriend back from the Daxamite spaceship.."

"Your _who_ now?!"

"Um. Mon-El," Kara clears her throat nervously. "W-we are dating, right?"

"No, you are not." Alex deadpans, and Kara feels taken aback but at the same time strangely relieved. "As far as I'm concerned, he kissed you when he was sick and you firmly rejected him afterwards. Which was the only possible reaction, if you ask me. By the way, there haven't been any Daxamite spaceships around lately."

"..Oh." That leaves the alien dumbfounded. So, that means something's wrong with her perception of reality. Kara feels her fear increasing with each second. Rao, what's happening to her?

Easily reading her thoughts, her sister continues: "Hey, stop panicking right now. Nothing dangerous is going on, you just drank something and some memories of yours got altered. Don't worry, they should get back real soon. Thank God it's weekend, so we can fix them before you have to get to work!"

That makes Kara bewildered: "Work? What are you talking about? I got fired from CatCo!"

"Oh, Kara. Relax. You are not fired from anywhere," the brunette tells her patiently. "God damn it, I'll kill Lucy Lane!"

"Lucy? What does she have to do with that?.. Wait, is she back to National City?!" Kara asks delightedly, forgetting her worries for a second.

"You really don't remember anything, do you.." Alex sighs. "Look. It's better not to discuss by phone. My shift has just finished, so I'll be at your place in forty. You have plenty of time to take a long shower and devour those three pizzas that are waiting for you in the fridge." she pauses. "Just don't talk to anyone or do anything reckless until I show up, and I'll help you to sort everything out. Okay?"

"Roger that."

Feeling reasonably calmer Kara follows her sister's advice. Her head is still heavy, but Alex is sure everything's alright, so she'll just wait for her explanations trying not to think too much in process.

The girl is sitting at the couch chewing the last slice of pizza when Alex finally walks in. The brunette immediately pulls her into a strong hug which is gratefully returned. After that she looks at the Kryptonian worriedly, but her eyes soften.

"Hey, sis. Recalling anything?" she asks gently.

"Not really. Everything is weird." Kara whines. "Alex.. Please tell me what's happening to me and why!"

Alex runs a hand through her hair and sits next to the Kryptonian, clearing her throat. "Well.. As for 'what'.. you'll probably won't believe, but the thing is.. you're sort of hungover."

"I'm.. what?" Kara's eyes widen in shock. She laughs stiffly at the absurdity of such statement. "You mean I got _drunk_? Are you kidding? I don't remember doing anything like that! Let alone, alcohol doesn't even affect me!"

"Not remembering obvious things is the exact effect of being hungover by this drink. Speaking of your reason of doing that, I think it's better to discuss it after you share your current memories with me."

Kara looks scandalized, still wishing to object. But she surrenders and sighs. "I don't know.. I have so many memories, but now when you denied some of them, they all seem unreal!"

"Any examples?"

"Well.. So you say we weren't visited by the Queen and King of Daxam? They came to take the Prince - Mon-El - back.."

"No. No weird alien royalties here. And believe me, Mon-El is not the prince of anything. We checked him through intergalactic sources before he was granted access to the D.E.O., and it turned out he really was one of the servants of the royal family which matches his words. So that makes him just a random cocky Daxamite who keeps hitting on every pretty face around him, which was the reason of him kissing you and you rejecting him afterwards."

"Ah.. Okay. Wait.. You're in relationship with Maggie, right?" Kara asks, terrified. She would be truly devastated if it turned out her sister was still single in reality.

"Oh. Yeah.. yeah, I am. We started dating just recently." Alex blushes which is pretty unexpected coming from her. She smiles shyly. "But it seems to go pretty well."

"Thank Rao." Kara exhales. "And what- what about Jeremiah?"

"What about him?" her sister asks apprehensively, getting serious right away.

"I.. I guess.. He didn't really escape Cadmus and break into the system of the D.E.O. betraying us afterwards, right?" Kara mumbles sheepishly. Seeing the brunette's hardened gaze, she hurriedly adds: "Got it. I thought so. Sorry."

Alex sighs. "As far as we know, Cadmus still has Dad. There's not a single day that I don't think of the ways to save him.. But even though it's awfully bitter to admit, we are not fully ready for such operation yet. Even though Lena Luthor helped to arrest her mother, Lillian is set free again. The opponent is too dangerous, and we can't afford to make a mistake. It could cost him his life." her hand curls into a fist.

"One day we will be ready, Alex." Kara says confidently putting her hand on the agent's shoulder. "I promise."

"Yeah." Alex clears her throat. "So.. Any other absurd memories?"

"Hmm.. M'gann going to Mars?"

Alex gets wide-eyed and shakes her head.

"Winn dating an alien?"

A snort and another shake.

"Speaking of Winn.. Did he really help James with turning into the Guardian? And now James poses as a hero and fights bad guys all the time. Is it also my imagination?"

"Well, that's partly true. They started this act of conspiracy but poor Winn dropped out after he got a black eye from some troublemaker." Alex chuckles. "And as for Jimmy, he soon followed suit since he understood that being a vigilante interfered with time that he's supposed to spend at work. He said he's proud that Cat trusted him to be in charge of CatCo, so he decided to sacrifice playing a hero for being a proper leader. By the way, Kara.. Kar?"

But the Kryptonian is not listening to her anymore.

_Cat._

The name hits her like a bucket of cold water.

_Cat.._

It associates with shrewd green eyes, sarcastic smile and the fragrance of cinnamon and sandalwood.

_Cat-_

And suddenly Kara feels sharp pain in the head again, and her entire mind gets flooded with memories of Catherine Jane Grant.

The pain keeps throbbing in her temples intensely for some moments. It subsides at last, leaving the alien breathing heavily and clutching the back of her couch so strongly that a dent appears there. She opens her eyes to see her panicking sister who tries to bring the girl to her senses.

"It's okay, Alex," she mutters heavily. "I'm okay. And I.. I remember everything now."


	2. Chapter 2

**~~~FLASHBACK. Two days earlier~~~**

..The low-key music accompanied by the sound of billiard balls hitting each other gives off some cozy vibes.

Kara is sitting at the table in the Alien Bar staring at her apple juice in melancholy. It's been a hard couple of months for her, even though nothing was seemingly wrong. She keeps protecting National City as Supergirl successfully, her family and friends are healthy, and she manages to survive the day-to-day pressure that Snapper Karr puts on her every second she spends at CatCo. And lately she has improved a bit at mentoring Mon-El who had arrived on Earth not long before Cat left the city.

Kara sighs. Cat Grant has always evoked so many different emotions inside her, but since her boss decided to take a break from CatCo and from National City, thinking of the woman became painful.

And still she keeps thinking of her all the time.

When Kara came to the blonde to bid her good-bye as Supergirl, she managed to send her off with a smile. Shortly before that Cat - her boss, her friend, her constant voice of reason - gave promotion to Kara Danvers and fully acknowledged her qualities. Moreover (and that amazes Kara the most), she started using Kara's actual name. After all those years of being reduced to "Kiera" the girl considered it the best gift Cat Grant could ever give her.

Now, after almost three months of her mentor's absence she thinks that the best gift would be if Cat returned home. Because Kara misses her like crazy.

She had never thought it would be so hard to endure the departure of CatCo Worldwide Media's CEO if their ways ever separated. When she realizes how empty Cat's absence in her life really makes her feel, she tells herself she'll move on soon. It's time to change, after all. _(You are smart and talented and astonishing_ , the girl keeps repeating Cat's words every day like a mantra. _You can do it.)_

Ha-ha. Surprise. What a way to find out that this intimidating, sharp-tongued and at the same time shrewd and perceptive person also happens to be your crush.

It took Kara quite a while to accept it. She'd never been into females before, so this revelation caught her completely off-guard.

It took her another month to realize that it's not just a crush but something much, much more. In spite of all the mundane problems and difficulties her life was full of interesting and positive moments, as usual; but instead of filling in the void that Cat's absence created, each new day without her became more and more hard to bear.

She's been trying to fully engage herself into all that's happening around her: the D.E.O. duties, work at CatCo, giving guidance to Mon-El. It helps, but not that much.

Needless to say, Alex feels something is off and keeps questioning her about it. Every time she asks what's wrong Kara replies that she's just feeling stressed by working with Snapper and having a large workload at CatCo. Such answer actually contains a grain of truth, but still this isn't even close to the main reason of her sullen mood.

Kara hates to hide anything from her adored sister. Learning she's attracted to women and coming out is not a big problem for the Kryptonian herself; but she can fully imagine the agent being in panic after discovering she's head over heels for the Queen of All Media. Not only could this woman reveal the true identity of Supergirl to the world in a second if she wanted; she's also older, meaner and [presumably] straighter than Alex would _ever_ consider appropriate. It may ring true; however, Kara has no desire to hear all these things from anyone. Even from Alex.

Besides, the latter has finally started to date Maggie Sawyer. They managed to fix their relationship some time after Alex came out and confessed her feelings to the detective who rejected her at first. Kara is truly delighted to see her sister's shining smile, but she herself isn't yet ready to admit to everyone that she has feelings for a certain woman as well. Even though she doesn't doubt these feelings for a second.

And of course, she's dying to fly and find Cat wherever she is. But now with her boss taking a leave of absence and also leaving the city she needs a good reason for disrupting her privacy, not only as Kara Danvers but as Supergirl, too.

They actually communicated once during this time; after several weeks of harsh criticism and totally humiliating comments Snapper finally approves Kara's article. As soon as it gets published she receives a short message to her cell: _Congratulations, Kara. Well done._ It makes her excited, and she smiles radiantly under Snapper's scrutinizing gaze. Naturally, she replies right away: _thank you so much, Ms. Grant! :) how are you doing? where are you right now?_ and receives a dry _Diving, of course._ She stares at her cell somewhat disappointed wishing Cat was more explicit, but it's quite clear the blonde doesn't intend to keep the conversation. She still tries one more time: _maybe.._ _there's anything I could do for you?_ Cat's reply is: _There's no good in being distracted while diving, Kara. Just keep your mind on your job and continue astounding Snapper. Good luck._

Her heart sinks. So she would be an unwanted distraction to Cat now.

But even though Cat remains true to her usual no-nonsense self, Kara is still so unabashedly happy to receive a message from her that she gets more cheerful for the next couple of days. After that the feeling of missing someone very important slowly absorbs her again.

When she brings some papers to James several days after that, she overhears him speaking to her former boss on the phone. Kara exits leaving the papers on his ( _Cat's_ ) desk; but she can't help but keep listening greedily to the familiar voice with her alien ears, even though their talk contains nothing more than working instructions.

After that she approaches James with a request that she herself considers childish and pathetic, but she makes it regardless. Her friend seems slightly surprised by it but doesn't actually mind. So next time Cat calls James, he tells her Supergirl said hello and inquired if Cat needed anything from National City or anywhere else; if there's something, then the Kryptonian could deliver it wherever she is now.

Later James comes to Kara's office with a sympathetic smile to pass a quipped answer: _"Oh, how very generous of her. Tell Supergirl I'll gratefully accept her offer when the employees of National City courier service start flying around fighting bad guys."_

Hearing that Kara rolls her eyes with a sad smile. That's not a kind of answer she was hoping for, but it's a one hundred percent Cat Grant.

But that means her wish to come into stable contact with her boss is rebuffed twice - both as Kara and Supergirl. It seems that Cat prefers not to have anything to do with her now, while she's having her leave of absence.

..All that leaves her sitting at the Alien Bar on Friday evening, waiting for Alex, Maggie and Lucy to join her for the girls get-together. Baby Lane, as Cat called her, was absent from National City for several weeks due to her military responsibilities, but she's back recently. When J'onn returned to his duties as a director of the D.E.O., he offered Lucy the post of his deputy; but she refused politely, insisting that it would be easier for the organization to coexist with her father if she wasn't fully engaged into its business. So at the time she manages to combine her military service with working as a clandestine investigating officer for the D.E.O., meanwhile becoming a good friend to Danvers sisters and accepting Maggie straight away. As for Lucy's love life, after all that happened she hasn't get back together with James. They don't discuss this topic but Kara suspects the feelings might still be there. Anyway, she's absolutely sure Lucy's not holding a grudge against her.

Kara sighs again, recalling the earlier message from her sister. Apparently, Maggie had to stay at work for longer than she planned and Alex promised to pick her up, so she told Kara and Lucy to start without them. Her friend is not here yet, so Kara spends her time thinking of Cat _(of course)_ , staring reproachfully yet at another glass of apple juice that M'gann provides at her request.

Speaking of M'gann - after all this turmoil when they found out she's a White Martian and she sacrificed her blood for J'onn to stay alive, they interact more often. J'onn isn't a person who tells everyone about his private life, but the Danvers sisters know that after some super-serious talk (no pun intended) he managed to forgive M'gann wholeheartedly for all the deeds of her race. As far as Kara knows, after that these two started dating. At least, J'onn became much more relaxed and less uptight, and Kara is happy for him. She is sincerely happy for everyone she considers close, but sadly that cannot make her heartache go away.

"Hi, Kar!" she hears a cheerful voice and sees a younger Lane in all her glory.

"Luce! Hi yourself! Glad you managed to come." she smiles to Lucy. "The girls are late though, so I guess you're stuck here with me."

"Oh, I'll manage that," her friend smirks.

And she does, chatting to her easily about everyone and everything. Kara is surprised to discover that they have been talking for an hour, and she's genuinely having fun telling Lucy of some Supergirl fight cases and listening to Lucy's own life stories.

"So," the brunette says all of a sudden, finishing up her beer. "What's with that miserable face you had earlier before I came up?"

"Huh? I-it's nothing. Absolutely." Kara is surprised by unexpected question and starts rambling, as usual.

"Come on, I know a lovesick gaze when I see it." Lucy is eying her intently but not unkindly. "Are you.. lonely without James, perhaps?" she tries to sound nonchalant.

Such assumption seems so ridiculous that Kara cannot hide her reaction: "Oh, no, not him. We're perfectly fine as friends."

The alien realizes her grave mistake immediately when she sees Lucy's devilish smirk. "Oh, well. Not him, you say. So there's someone else!" the brunette leans toward her dramatically. "Tell me _everything_."

"But.. There's nothing to tell," she tries.

"It's not nothing, Kara." Lucy becomes serious. "I knew something was wrong with you as soon as I got back to National City. Alex looked beyond concerned last time I saw her, so I presume you haven't told her, too." she gazes at her softly. "Come on, you can't just bottle up everything forever. If there's anything happening, I want to help."

And Kara who has been stoically hiding her secret from everyone for months, even though she's _really_ bad at hiding secrets - Kara suddenly feels she has no strength to keep it in anymore.

So be it.

"It's just.." she pauses. "It's not the same.. without Cat here."

"Yeah, of course you miss her. I thought as much."

"I.. I do. Much more than it's reasonable."

"..Oh." Lucy's eyes widen in realization. "Oh. You mean.. it's about _her_." she pauses. "And.. you're serious about her?"

Kara gives her a miserable nod. She remains silent for a while, bracing up. Then she looks up at her friend. "I'm in love with her, Lucy."

Lucy's speechless for a while. "Well.. I guess I can understand why you're still keeping it from Alex. So you haven't confessed to Cat yet, I presume?"

"I'd like to, believe me. But I'm afraid there's no point in doing that, Lucy. It would only make me lose her for good."

The brunette looks at her strangely. "I highly doubt that. Well, anyway.. Have you met her after she left?"

"No. I sort of dropped her a hint that I might come and she wasn't thrilled."

"Oh, seriously, Kara! What are you, five? Who in the world drops hints about such things? You just go and get the girl! Especially considering that she without a doubt knows about your true identity."

"You don't understand, Lucy. I'm not a coward, but I can't do that right now!" she exclaims in desperation. "There are some matters.. that are not resolved yet." she runs a hand over her face wearily. "And honestly, I'm- I'm not feeling ready enough to talk about them right away. Sorry."

Lucy looks like she wants to object, but she gives up seeing Kara's puppy eyes. "Okay then."

"Thanks." Kara gives out a sigh of relief.

"But you know what I know for sure?" her friend looks at her confidently. "You definitely need a drink."

"What? I don't drink. I'm immune to alcohol."

"Don't be like that, sweetie," the brunette smiles charmingly. "We are very conveniently at the bar for aliens, meaning they have suitable beverages here. So let's have some fun! You deserve a break."

Before Kara can oppose to that, Lucy grips her hand and takes her to the bar counter waving to the White Martian in disguise: "Hey, M'gann! Do you have any drinks fitting for lovesick aliens?"

"Oh. I'm sure you meant this question to be a joke," the bartender replies to her. "But, believe it or not, we got a drink designed exactly for that reason. As far as I know, this thing is pretty famous throughout the galaxy. It's called _'Zhyondhorz'_."

Kara perks up her ears. "Hey, I've heard of that." she mutters thoughtfully.

"Hmm? What's so famous about it?" Lucy, curious as ever.

"Well.. It's designed specifically for the aliens who had suffered a heartbreak. Of course, it's not suited just for anybody," M'gann looks at the Kryptonian intently, "but Kara's race is included into the category of those that are able to drink it, unlike me or J'onn."

"And how exactly does it work?"

" _Zhyondhorz_ includes some natural ingredients which make the drinker relax after consuming them. It also affects the brain receptors; for some time, a couple of days at most, the drinker forgets about the main cause of their suffering. Being free of disturbing memories for a while brings them relief. It's quite popular in our bar, by the way. Apparently, aliens on Earth have tough live lives."

"Hmm. Interesting. Any side effects?" Kara inquires.

"No, not really. But it depends on how well you can handle your liquor, though. Normally you just keep doing your usual routine until the effect wears off. If you're a lightweight drinker, you'll just might sleep through this, and all your memories recover soon after you're awake. The beverage will take its effect anyway."

"Sounds promising," Lucy says. "But we have to find something else. I suspect Alex won't be thrilled to cope with the effects of some brain-altering dri-"

"I'll take it."

"What?! Kara.."

"Luce." Kara turns to her, blue eyes pleading. "I'm so tired of being restless and miserable all the time. I need a break, you said it yourself. Please, let me do that."

The Martian observes them seriously. "Ladies. I'm not the one to decide if it's right or not for Kara to have this drink. But I can definitely say that if I wasn't sure it couldn't harm her in any way, I'd never offered it."

The brunette raises her hands up in surrender: "..Okay, fine. But if Alex feeds me to some raging aliens, both of you will be the culprits!"

Soon M'gann brings another beer for Lucy and a large drinking glass with purple liquid for Kara.

The girl sniffs it and takes an experimental sip. _Zhyondhorz_ has a bittersweet grassy taste along with a hint of something that Kara can't recognize. Something bubbly explodes in her mouth, and she decides it feels pleasant. She hums in approval.

Lucy watches her intently. "Well, that's good you find it tasty at least. Just take it-"

Kara empties her glass with one large gulp.

"-slow. Sonuvabitch!! Danvers, what shall I do with you?"

Kara wants to reply but suddenly everything is blurring before her eyes. She feels giddy and so, sooo sleepy.

Sluggishly trying not to zone out she hears Lucy quipping: "Oh, well. Now we know you are a _very_ lightweight drinker."

Last thing she takes in before blacking out completely is the concerned face of her sister who runs to them from the entrance, and Lucy's doomed voice: "I'm so dead."

**~~~END OF FLASHBACK~~~**

 


	3. Chapter 3

**~~~PRESENT TIME~~~  
**

Kara's on the couch clutching her head in her hands.

Alex is leaning against the French window, her arms across the chest. She keeps silence mercifully giving her sister some time to collect her thoughts, but watches her critically.

"Oh, Rao. No way." Kara groans at last. "I really got drunk. And I ruined your evening!.."

"Not just mine," Alex specifies graciously. "Also Lucy's, since she had to deal with my rage instead of you. Maggie was worried, too. And apparently, J'onn and M'gann suffered as well. I had them both confirm ten times that everything' s gonna be okay with you."

Hearing that makes the Kryptonian wither in shame trying to make herself as small as possible, and Alex surrenders. "Come on, Kara. I'm just messing with you." she sighs. "Nothing too bad happened, after all. Everyone was worried but at the same time confident that you'd be alright. And we already agreed to postpone our get-together for a few days."

"B-but.. you and Lucy.."

"As for Lucy, she's safe and sound. Seeing you passing out I panicked and sort of lost my temper, but after I was convinced you're fine and there's no need for medical tests, I couldn't stay mad at her anymore. Technically she's not completely at fault here. So.. We're good." She chuckles dryly. "I'm sure she even managed to find some fun in this situation."

"Thank Rao." Kara feels a bit relieved. She gives Alex a small pout though. "But honestly, trying to make me feel even guiltier than I already am.. You know, fifteen minutes ago you weren't such a bully."

"Fifteen minutes ago it was pointless to be a bully." Alex looks away. "..Besides, I still needed to make sure you're okay."

Kara feels a surge of tenderness. Naturally, her caring and loyal sister has been worried about her till the very end of her hangover. She opens her mouth to thank her, but-

"Lucy told me, you know." Alex says quietly. "About Cat Grant."

Kara freezes instantly. Of course, she should've realized Lucy had to tell Alex the whole story. That means there's nothing left to hide, but all of it has to be discussed now, and that makes her slightly nauseous.

The alien has never been a coward, but now she's terrified to look up at her sister. What will Alex do? What does she think of her now, knowing her secret?

"..Are you mad?" she manages to say in a small voice at last.

"Not really. I'm.. hurt, I guess."

Kara's heart sinks. "I knew you would be. I'm so very sorry, Alex."

"No, it's okay. It's just.." Alex finally raises her head and gazes at her with those deep hazel deer eyes looking so vulnerable that Kara wants to cry. "I was so worried about you all these days knowing something was off, but you kept shutting me out. I know I can't expect you to tell me everything, and I- I respect that, I really do, but.. It took just one evening with Lucy Lane and you opened up right away. That makes me think that maybe.. you just don't trust me anymore. After.. After your aunt and everything.."

"Oh, Alex," Kara exhales. She's at her sister's side in a heartbeat, grabbing her shoulders. "Don't ever say that. I mean, _ever._ You are my closest person in the whole universe, and that will never change. If there's anyone whom I trust wholeheartedly, it's you, believe me!" she looks anxiously at the pale face before her.

Alex looks greatly relieved. "..I do believe you." she sniffles. "But then-"

Kara interrupts her: "As for prioritizing Lucy, you got it all wrong." she sighs and turns to the window, unhanding Alex. "What Cat means to me.." she shakes her head, struggling to find appropriate words. "Realizing my- my feelings for her.. Trying to fight them and failing, and accepting them in the end.. All of it was so complicated. And oh, Rao, hiding it from everyone, from _you_ , of all people - it was so hard for me. But the truth is, I wasn't ready yet to share it with anybody. So all of it kept building up, it seems.. And Lucy just happened to confront me with right words at the right time. She just had to make a small cut, and everything tore along the seam."

"Well. That.. makes sense." Alex sighs. She clears her throat with a faint smile: "So Cat Grant, huh. I knew you admired her, but I never thought she could be your type."

Kara watches her intently. "Um.. I was sure you'd start this conversation with scolding me, saying how much risk it is, and that she's the worst possible choice ever..?"

"To be honest, Kar, those were my first thoughts after Lucy told me everything." the brunette replies. "But I had some time to ponder over it while you were sleeping like a log. Believe me, I wasn't - _am_ not - thrilled, and I'm concerned. I mean, how could I not be? She is, well.. her."

"Still," she goes on when Kara opens her mouth to reply, "like I said, I had enough time to calm down a bit and think. And I understood there's no point in telling you all these things. It's _your_ identity we are talking about; you are Supergirl, who deals with danger every day of her life, and you're also the person who worked in close tandem with Cat for two years. You know all the possible risks better than any of us do." she pauses. "And you can't choose whom to fall in love with. If your feelings are that strong they haven't faded out over months, apparently they are something that shouldn't be judged by others."

"Alex," Kara can't believe her ears. "You mean.. you _approve?_ "

"I mean that before seeking approval you need to do the main thing that, according to Lucy's words, you still haven't done: to sort it all out with Cat. Of course, only if you're _absolutely_ sure she can be trusted, and you want to be with her."

"I trust her. And It took me a long way, but I'm 1000 percent sure I want her. Even though I doubt she would be interested in me, I want to take my chance. I always did. But, Alex.. You and J'onn have done so much to hide my identity from her. After all that, how could I possibly ask you to accept this situation? How could I reset to zero all of your efforts to keep me safe?"

Alex shakes her head. "You know what, little sis? You have enough other things to be concerned about, so don't worry at least about this one. We love you, and above everything else, we want you to be happy. You being an alien, a hero and the D.E.O. agent would not change that." she gives Kara a warm smile. "So I will trust your decisions. If you want to go to her, then go. If she rejects you, then at least you'll know there's nothing left but to move on. Just.. Whatever it turns out to be, no more suffering alone. I'm always right here if you ever need me, okay? For absolutely _anything_."

By this time Kara's eyes are filled with tears. She rushes to her sister and hugs her like her life depends on it. "Thank you," she whispers. "Thank you so much. I'm such a fool. I'm so sorry I tried to hide everything from you."

Alex is warm and soft across her, hugging her back just as desperately. "You are not a fool", she says affectionately. "You're just young and in love, same as me. It makes us vulnerable, but this is also what gives us strength."

"Yeah, I guess."

"By the way, speaking of 'worst possible choices ever.' " Alex drew back a bit. "Cat Grant is a hard case, indeed, but honestly, I would be much more horrified if you really fell for Mon-El!"

"I know, right?!" Kara agrees completely. She groans: "Ugh. I can't believe that throughout the whole dream I not only had no memories of Cat's existence, but also choose to be with a person she would _absolutely_ despise. It's like I betrayed everything that she taught me.. Not to mention that I got fired from CatCo and acted like it's nothing. Man, I'd be devastated if I were fired from CatCo!!"

Alex grumbles: "Oh, Kara, cut it out. It was just a dream! If I recall correctly, the goal of drinking that hellish swipes was to forget of the main reason of your sadness. What can I say? It worked perfectly well! Not only there was no Cat, but your brain slowly rejected everything associated with her."

"You're probably right. It explains why Lucy wasn't in my dream, either. Apparently, that's because she talked about Cat to me right before." Kara mutters thoughtfully. "Anyway.. All of it seemed so real that calling it to mind makes me sick. I don't want my life to be like that, Alex. I don't want to ever forget Cat and be someone that I'm not!"

"I know you don't, Kara." Alex says reassuringly. "And I'm sure you won't, whatever happens. Go get her."

"Thanks, sis. I will. I have no clue where she is, though. It may take some time to find her, but I'll manage."

"Oh, about that.." Alex gets something out of the pocket of her leather jacket. "Here you are."

"What's that?" Kara watches the piece of paper suspiciously.

"Well.. When I came to all these conclusions I just told you about, I asked Winn to trace Cat's recent phone calls to James." Alex looks quite pleased with herself. "Last several ones were from Paris. Sadly, I can't guarantee she's still there, but here's the address. For all we know, it's a rental apartment."

Kara is stunned. She looks at her sister with admiration, feeling so touched and grateful that she can't find the words to describe it. So she locks her in her arms again. "I love you," she mutters. "So, so much."

"I know," Alex replies warmly. "I love you, too."

Kara hugs her for another long moment. Then she leaves her side for a split second and reappears wearing her suit, taking the paper with address from her sister's hand gently.

"Well.. Gotta fly." she says with a smile.

"Go. I got your back here." the brunette reassures her.

Kara nods to her, and the last thing Alex sees is a blur of red and blue rushing out of the window.

"Good luck, Supergirl."


	4. Chapter 4

**~~~~**

Kara is flying as fast as she can, not even being distracted by the exceptional beauty of today's skies. After holding back for so long even a second of further delay seems preposterous.

It's still daytime in USA but already evening in Europe. That's probably a good thing, because as soon as she reaches Paris she becomes so restless that staying hidden from people is taking her an effort.

Happily, darkness helps her stay unnoticed.

Searching through the city from a bird's eye view she soon finds the needed street and place.

Bearing in mind those arrangements Cat usually made for her business trips, Kara presumed the place of stay she choose this time would be a deluxe suite at some famous five-star hotel. But it turns out she's wrong. She finds herself looking at the low-rise building that presumably consists of several spacious apartments. In spite of being situated not far from the center of Paris and surely having an expensive rental cost, the building is situated at the quiet street, and its ivy-covered walls make it look rather cozy than posh.

Kara lands on the roof of the house across the street, closes her eyes and allows herself to _feel_.

The familiar heartbeat appears in her ears right away and invades her mind, and it's deafening, mesmerizing and soothing at the same time. With each second of listening to Cat Grant's pulse Kara realizes how strongly she's been missing this precious sound.

The heartbeat tells her that Cat is in the particular room at the upper floor. She opens her eyes checking the street for potential spectators; finding none, she flies to the back side of the building and hovers over a small balcony peeking inside through the opened door.

She notices Cat at first glance. That makes the Kryptonian so utterly nervous that her own heart is in her mouth instantly.

The woman is leaning on the table with her back turned to Kara. She's sipping some wine from a glass, looking at something on the wall - a tapestry, Kara realizes.

Cat's wearing a charming purple dress with elbow length sleeves that makes her look extremely feminine. Her hair got a bit longer and they are curled slightly, as usual. If Kara wasn't so agitated now, her hormones would rage at the sight, she's sure of that.

She lingers for several moments.

Suddenly the thought that Cat might be not alone here comes to her mind. After some hesitation the girl uses her x-ray vision to check the apartment. To her relief, the only person she finds is Carter who's sleeping soundly in one of the distant rooms. Smiling fleetingly at the sight of the boy, Kara returns her attention to her main source of attraction.

She flies a bit closer.

As if she's sensing her proximity, Cat turns abruptly and looks straight at Kara, her eyes widen, lips parted.

They freeze.

Kara wants to say something, anything, but for some reason she can't utter a sound. She has so many things to say, but finally facing the person who's occupying most of her thoughts makes her speechless.

For several long moments the women keep staring at each other. Something flashes in Cat's eyes, some emotion that Kara can't quite define. Whatever it is, her former boss masks it perfectly well, putting the glass on the table and approaching her slowly with an inscrutable face.

"You came." she says finally in a soft voice.

"I did." Kara manages to reply quietly. _Even though you didn't want me to_ , she doesn't add, but Cat seem to catch it anyway. Her lips twitch as if she wants to say something, but then she changes her mind, saying instead:

"Do me a favor and get down here. Paris is not National City where everyone is used to you, and this place isn't my penthouse hidden from prying eyes."

"You're right." Kara lands by Cat's side gracefully with a soft thud. They are silent again.

"I'd presume it's a friendly visit, but you're awfully short-spoken today, Supergirl. Did anything happen?" Is it just her imagination, or does Cat really sound concerned?

"No, not really-" Kara starts but shakes her head: "Or, rather, yes, something did happen. I mean, a lot. A lot has happened. And.. In the end I'm here to tell you some things," she finishes lamely. Oh, no, she's rambling. How surprising. _Damn it._

"Then by all means, start already," Cat quips. "Your silence manages to make me uncomfortable."

Rao, how she missed those biting comments.

"..Okay."

Kara takes a deep breath, and suddenly that makes her feel more confident. This will be her share of heroic deeds for today. Telling the truth to Cat Grant should be easier than fighting some poisonous alien, right?

_Right?_

Anyway, she came here for certain reasons, and there's no way back.

She stands up straighter widening her shoulders.

"First of all.. I came to apologize."

"Oh? And what might it be for?" Cat looks curious.

"For several things, actually." Kara pauses. "I.. had a talk today with a person whom I love dearly. This person is my closest family, they support me the most, helping me out whenever I need it and always being there for my sake." she clears her throat. "I kept some very important thing from her, and it hurt her greatly. I never intended to bring her pain or show disrespect; I just tried to shield us both from the possible difficulties, hoping to resolve the problem myself."

She glances at Cat; Cat is listening intently.

Kara goes on. "So in the end she found out anyway.. and I was shocked to know how hurtful my decision was to keep things hidden from her. And how wrong I was to act like that despite being sure that's for the best."

She braces herself. "And.. after we discussed it.. I realized she wasn't the only one with whom I made such mistake."

She looks at the blonde's face, gazing into attentive green eyes with utmost sincerity.

"That's why I came to tell you my name, Cat."

The woman's eyes widen and her heartbeat which Kara hears in the background quickens immediately.

"I'm Supergirl, the hero of National City. You branded me yourself and helped me gain this title. But my real name is Kara Zor-El, and I'm the Last Daughter of Krypton."

Cat gasps realizing without a doubt what should follow, but doesn't interrupt Kara's speech.

"..And, as you certainly are aware of, I also happen to be Kara Danvers, your former assistant and your current reporter."

There. She said it.

Words start flowing out of her like water after that. "I know you figured out my identity long time ago. And for some reasons I kept denying it. And I realized just recently how utterly wrong I was refusing to confide in you.. Even though I wanted to. Even though we became.. close enough for that. And now-," she continues swallowing a lump in her throat, "now we have this distance between us, and it hurts, and I know this is mainly my fault. When we were saying goodbye and you tried to know my name again, I absolutely _shouldn't_ let you go away without confirming who I am. I was an idiot. But, please, you should know I never meant to hurt you. I trust you wholeheartedly."

"..Do you now?" Cat's trying to sound nonchalant but her voice is thick with emotions.

"I do, Cat. You knew me both as Kara and Supergirl, but those were just the parts of my personality. And I always wanted you to know.. the real me. However, when you threatened to fire me if I turned out to be Supergirl, I denied it to avoid losing the part of myself, losing you and CatCo.. losing everything that makes me feel sane. But we've come a long way since that time." Kara looks at her meaning every word. "And after a while, after.. things happened, I felt you understood how important it was for me to stay both Kara Danvers and your assistant. I knew that you'd keep my secret and wouldn't make me leave CatCo. I realized that long before you proved it. But.. in my head, it was easier to keep denying, to keep you out of being further involved into my possible troubles. And to keep away the chance of you knowing something that could hurt you."

Kara drops her head. "Instead I hurt you myself. Maybe you weren't as affected by my actions as my sister was, but still I did absolutely the same thing to both of you. And.. I'm sorry for seeming not to trust you enough." she swallows nervously. "Besides, I also never apologized properly for- for what I did to you when my brain was altered. I'm so deeply sorry for that, too."

Silence surrounds them after that.

"..Well," she hears at last. "That definitely was refreshing. Thank you for sharing this with me. I appreciate it. To be honest, I thought you'd never tell and we'd have to keep playing this game of yours until the end of time."

"..You would do that?" Kara looks at her guilelessly with her baby blue eyes.

"Hm.." the woman shrugs her shoulders. "At the very least, I would try to. But, frankly speaking, I wouldn't guarantee the result because it was starting to be.. quite upsetting." the blonde looks up at her with softened eyes, the corners of her mouth up. "But, to be fair, I wasn't always acting proper to you, either. Some of the past.. decisions of mine.. might have not been the best ones. I understood it later but never apologized, either. But I do now."

This time it's the girl who can't help but ask hopefully: "Do you really mean it?"

"I do," the woman confirms. "And you are forgiven for everything.. Kara."

Hearing these words along with her name trigger a chemical reaction inside her brain. Acting on instinct, the Kryptonian moves to Cat's side immediately and embraces her tightly.

"You're forgiven too, Miss Grant," she whispers. "Long ago."

Their bodies are pressed to each other. Hugging Cat feels like a drug. Her scent, her breath, the warmth of her body against Kara's hands, her heart beating so fast - all of it makes the girl feel ecstatic, alive, _whole_.

And the most mind-blowing thing is that Cat who's not exactly the most tactile person - Cat is hugging her back just as tightly.

Kara knows that it's not all she would like to tell the woman tonight. But she isn't able to let go of her yet. So instead of releasing Cat she squeezes her even harder, still being gentle at the same time, wishing to engrave this moment in her alien memory forever.

But it's time to stop being a coward, and she moves away reluctantly.

"I should admit, your Sunny Danvers super-hugs are getting better over time." Cat remarks after clearing her throat.

"W-well.." her voice suddenly gets hoarse. "It's good to hear. Although it might be the last hug you allow me after learning.. what I have to say next."

Cat's poker face is immaculate, as usual, but her eyes darken. "Full of confessions today, aren't you, Kara." she murmurs leaning on the balcony railing and facing the empty street. "Out with it, then."

"This one is actually pretty hard to confess," Kara keeps staring at her hands for several moments. "So I have to start from afar." she sighs. "Before leaving CatCo, you gave me a job as a reporter and opened up new horizons for me. I was really grateful and thrilled. Because, most importantly, you admitted that you valued me and believed in me - both in Kara Danvers and Supergirl. And I.. I thought it was enough for me to.. well, _dive_ , as you call it." she pauses. "But time kept passing by, and instead of being excited about each new thing in my life I kept feeling.. that something was missing. Something that couldn't ever be replaced." 

Kara bites her lip. "And soon- soon I realized it was you." she looks at the blonde's face passionately. "I missed you, Cat. I missed you so terribly that absolutely nothing else mattered."

Cat is listening to her words eagerly, her lips parted, her eyes full of incomprehensible emotions again.

So Kara goes on: "..And all this time I kept thinking of you, wanting to come, wishing to check on you. But I understood that was selfish of me - you even told me specifically that you didn't want any distractions from whatever you're doing now. Still, not being able to see you.. to be close to you anymore.. it hurt, Cat." she gulps. "And I couldn't fight it any longer. That's why I want you to know how I feel."

Cat is speechless, watching her in amazement.

So Kara braces up and finishes: "I'm in love with you, Cat Grant. I've been for a long time. That's what I wanted to tell you."

Moments pass. With each new second of not hearing any reply from the woman Kara desperately wants to bolt, to fly away somewhere, anywhere. But she won't. She will be brave until the end.

So she adds, summoning up every last bit of her courage: "I'm sorry I make you feel uncomfortable. And if you tell me to leave.. I will. I'll leave and won't ever bother you anymore. But I couldn't give up on my feelings without letting you know of them. I'm in love with you, hopelessly, fully, with all your strengths and weaknesses. You make me feel myself. And I'm not ashamed of that."

"..Supergirl.." Cat starts at last, and Kara mentally prepares herself to the rejection. "I thought you already knew how bad you're at hiding important things."

Kara is taken aback. "W-well, that's true, but.. What exactly do you mean?"

The blonde hums. "I mean that your feelings weren't completely.. subtle." seeing Kara's eyes widen in shock, she continues: "I'm a high-class reporter, Kara. That makes me more observant than the majority of other people. When.. you were bidding good-bye to me at CatCo's balcony, I noticed how you were looking at my lips." she pauses. "and before that, I kept noticing many other signs of you being attracted to me. Maybe even before you realized it yourself."

Hearing that makes Kara blush as red as a tomato, not expecting such a turn of events.

Cat goes on: "It would be reasonable just to brush it off, no offence intended. As you know, I'm twice older than you. You being a superhero doesn't help, either. But, truth to be told, your feelings made me.. elated. You already are a goddess - kind, strong, beautiful, carrying the history of another civilization on your shoulders. And having you near me all that time, so eager to please, so hard-working, big-hearted and incredibly cute - that made me.. develop certain feelings for you, myself."

Kara is dumbstruck, trying to comprehend what's happening. She cannot believe her ears. Is this her imagination? It has to be another dream, right..?

She's afraid of doing anything, saying anything that makes it all go away. She even fears to breathe. So she keeps listening.

"What I said in that message, Kara.. You got it wrong. When I was mentioning distractions, I didn't mean not wanting to have you here. I meant _I_ would be a distraction for you. From your new life, from all the things you can achieve, from all the vivacious millenials you can fall in love with. An aging cynical woman is hardly the best choice for you. Even if she's the Queen of All Media, brilliant and unique." she looks challengingly at Kara, but there's sadness in her eyes.

"Cat.." the alien speaks heatedly finding her voice at last. "The only reason that could stop me is you not wanting me. Everything else doesn't matter to me, whatever it is!"

"Well. I suspected you'd react like that," Cat answers. "Anyway, you deserved a chance to make a better choice. That's why I haven't encouraged you to get by my side. Knowing how eager you are to fulfill my every desire, I had no doubt you would be here in a second I called. So.. By not doing this I gave you an opportunity to choose." she pauses. "So that if you ever decided to find me in the end, it would be by your own will, and you wished for that badly enough to resist my instructions." The woman shakes her head and chuckles. "And now you are really here out of the blue, and you managed to catch me completely off-guard, even though I hoped you'd come one day."

"You- you hoped?"

The blonde rolls her eyes. "For God's sake, Kara. You were on my mind more often than I thought of CatCo." she pauses and adds softly. "I missed you, too."

Kara lets out a shuddering breath. "Cat," she wants to be absolutely sure. "That.. that means you are not rejecting me?"

"Oh, my dear girl," Cat exhales placing her hand at Kara's cheek, her mask finally dropped, those gorgeous green eyes are looking at Kara with warmth and affection. "I am only human, and despite being the mightiest person in National City even I'm not strong-willed enough to reject you."

And that's all it takes for Kara to stop holding back.

She cups Cat's face with both hands gently, giving the woman she loves a tender but passionate kiss.

And oh, how breathtaking it is.

It seems like both of them are putting into this kiss all the pent-up emotions, all the fears, all the desires that have been piling up until this very moment.

Kara had never felt so wanted, so _loved_. And she craves to make the blonde feel the same way. When they have to pull away due to the lack of oxygen, she can't keep her hands off the woman. She's nuzzling Cat's hair, marveling at its softness. She's peppering Cat's neck with affectionate kisses. She's hugging her petite body trying to show all the feelings that Cat awakens inside her.

And Cat reacts wonderfully - panting, whimpering, clinging to her with all her might. And Kara knows for sure that all the relationships she had before are absolutely _nothing_ in comparison with a single moment spent in Cat Grant's embrace.

"Don't you ever dare to leave me, Kara." the blonde says hoarsely at last. "We still have to learn many things of each other, and not all of them will be pleasant. But you managed to worm your way into my heart, and I'm not sure I could ever share my life with anyone but you."

"Believe me, I won't." Kara says confidently. She is absolutely earnest. "You make me feel like no one has ever managed before. I want to be with you. And I don't intend to ever let you go, Cat."

"Hmm.. Good." the woman smiles cockily.

"By the way, I haven't asked you yet why are you here! I thought you'd be creating a new branch of CatCo somewhere, but you don't seem to be doing that."

"Well. I'm.. writing memoirs, since you're wondering." Cat intends to sound haughtily, but Kara can see the pang of insecurity at her face.

"Oh. Memoirs?" Kara is genuinely surprised. "So you decided to.. leave business?"

"Don't be overdramatic, Kara." Cat rolls her eyes. "I just needed a change of pace, so I've been traveling. But I am planning to return to NC soon; to my surprise, I miss home, besides, Carter's vacation is almost over. And I'll be back to CatCo someday, of course. I'm not that old yet to say farewell to everything I created."

"You are not old at all." Kara smiles and gives her a peck on her lips. "And I have no doubt your memoirs will be absolutely epic! You gained so much through your own efforts, your life is filled with so many important moments and interesting people. I'm sure the book will be a bestseller as soon as it hits the shelves!"

The woman relaxes visibly under her touch. "Hmm.. I can see right through you, Supergirl," she teases. "You just want to be mentioned in my memoirs that much, don't you?"

Kara becomes serious. "Not necessarily," she says quietly. "I just want to be in your life. As much as you let me."

Cat is silent, but she strokes Kara's hair tenderly, and her warm gaze tells the girl everything she wants to know.

They stay in each other's arms for a while enjoying the light breeze that blows on them softly.

"Cat."

"Yes?"

"Do you know the reason why I finally came to you?"

"..I believe you just told me everything about it, darling." Cat furrows her brows.

"That's not what I meant." Kara corrects herself. "I told you all the reasons why I wished - and wish - to be here with you. But you still don't know what was the first push that finally made me find the guts to come."

"And what might that be? Enlighten me, Kara."

Young Kryptonian can't help but grin unabashedly: "Lucy Lane got me drunk."

Cat stares at her stunned and at loss for words for several moments. In the end she drops her poker face and laughs heartily. Hearing it sets Kara's own heart aflutter, and she quickly decides it's the most beautiful sound in the whole universe. Besides, Cat's laugh is absolutely contagious, so Kara joins her and giggles happily.

"Well then.. Remind me to thank Baby Lane for this dubious action when I come home."

"Home," she repeats dreamily, embracing Cat from behind. "Of course."

Cat leans on her, putting her hands above Kara's.

They both are standing relaxed, looking at the sparkling lights on the Eiffel Tower. Kara vows to herself to bring Alex, Lucy and Maggie here. They so deserve it. Actually, after all they did for her they deserve to be taken to space and back, but before performing that Kara decides to start with a simple girls get-together in some Paris cabaret.

Kara smiles, hearing the faint music in the distance.

This day started so horribly but turned out so special by the end.

This is the first day of many following when Kara Zor-El Danvers and Cat Grant, her beloved, feel absolutely, utterly happy.

 

_The end_


End file.
